Random: What is Love?

Well, at least they’re together… forever…

I apologize for the lack of posts but really… there’s nothing new out there.

My professor began the first day of class by coming in 5 minutes late, asking if the room was indeed for “Intro to Philosophy”, and upon seeing many nods, said “Crap!” and stormed out in a hurry. Well, that was the beginning of what’s turning out to be the most enjoyable class I’ve ever had. But, before I get too far of myself exalting Jim (he refuses to be called anything else), I must pull the topic back to something that’s been muddling my mind.

Love. In one lecture, Jim asked the entire class for the definition of love. Of course, there’s no single answer. It varies from person to person but one thing’s clear, love exists. There was only one thing that the class established. When two people love each other, they tend to want to be with each other. Friends are the same way… but somehow, lovers transcend the “friend-friend” bond, sometimes developing from it.

Recently, I got an email from an old high school friend. Nearly four years have passed since we saw each other and beyond the usual pleasantries, she asked why she wasn’t invited to the wedding. Scratching my head for the longest while, I eventually found out that it’s because of my Facebook relationship status, which I changed to “married” since I had my adorable Rei’s from Otakon 2008. It was intended to be a joke which my closest friends knew about… but since time and distance parted us into separate walks of life, she had no idea and assumed that I found a real woman and proposed. That and I never went into anime/manga until my freshman year at college.

I had a hard time explaining myself since she was a serious kind of person, very traditional to say the least. It got worse when I tried to keep the joke going by saying that I have three wives (all figurines of course). After shooting emails back and forth, the misunderstanding was cleared up and she asked me if I’ve thought about settling with a real female.

My mind stopped working.

I had a draft response saved up… but beyond the “Hello”, I couldn’t put any of my thoughts into words. To be honest, I never really thought about romantic relationships and if confronted with such a question, I usually passed it off saying that “I’m not interested” or more recently, “I already have -wives- so I don’t need to complicate my life any further”. I was one of those people that try to avoid it… but love’s one of those things in life that I know I’ll have to face… sooner or later. Just… preferably later.

With my friends, some of them are in relationships and I’m happy for them. However, there are moments when I feel left out and I considered (actively) looking for someone. Then again, I have to question myself in exactly what I want because I feel that love is one of those pure things… It should not be tainted with anything meaningless or superficial. If I were to find love, it would be because I will love someone and nothing more.

I could make a list about what I want. Blue hair. Not possible? Fine, I’ll settle with black then. Shoulder-length at most and I would like the hair to be straight, not curly or anything like that. She needs to be shorter than me though that’s easy to do with my 6’4″ frame… but not too short that if we were to dance, I’ll have to be on my knees (been there, done that). Love of… or at least appreciation for anime/manga is highly desirable. She must also be the one to initiate the relationship though willing to let me lead at times. I could go on and on about physical, mental, and behavioral attributes but they’re things that I want… rather than someone that I need.

Maybe I’m overthinking things. Maybe the 3 hours of sleep I had last night is starting to get to me. Maybe I’m trying to run away from an issue that will catch up to me and beat me down (possibly literally). Maybe I’m just grasping for something that can’t be grasped.

I think I need some sleep.

7 Responses

  1. FFVIIKnight, thank you for sharing your story and your perspective :)

    This is a wonderful image of a girl with sky hair :)

    “Jim asked the entire class for the definition of love”

    “When two people love each other, they tend to want to be with each other. Friends are the same way… but somehow, lovers transcend the “friend-friend” bond, sometimes developing from it.”

    I like Steinberg’s love triangle. Consummate love = Intimacy + Passion + Commitment.

    “I considered (actively) looking for someone. Then again, I have to question myself in exactly what I want because I feel that love is one of those pure things… It should not be tainted with anything meaningless or superficial. If I were to find love, it would be because I will love someone and nothing more.”

    “I could go on and on about physical, mental, and behavioral attributes but they’re things that I want… rather than someone that I need.”

    Correct me if I am wrong, but this is how I interpret these statements. You want your love to be pure, unaffected by superficial characteristics. You are trying to understand yourself and learn about your desires. You list some of the superficial characteristics such as hair color and height, but then state that those are some of your preferences that don’t take into account the person as a whole, the soul of the person so to speak. That is why you say “I want… rather someone that I need.” What you needs is someone with whom you’ll be able to connect on many levels regardless of her superficial characteristics. However, those preferences might affect your initial attraction unconsciously.

    When you’ll see her, you’ll know it. It wouldn’t matter how long her hair or legs are. Some people have this incredible chemistry between them, could marry in a few months after the initial meeting, and live happily ever after.

    I’ll never forget this experience in graduate psychology class when we had to break into groups and come up with answers to questions. I had this seemingly perfect connection with my partner. She knew exactly what I was going to say, and I had the same feeling. We had the same opinion on the topic and answered the questions very quickly and efficiently. This is not all there is to love by any means, but people who love each other might have this kind of connection.

    Other times, there is a long process that starts with a friendship, but develops into something more.

    Regardless, it is really about creating opportunities. People might have this misconception, possibly fortified by fictional stories they read, that there is fate that will someday match them miraculously with someone. Well, it is just plain false. If all you do is work, study, and watch anime at home, not many things will change (Just wanted to clarify that “you” in this sentence and others is not directed at you personally). One day you’ll wake up on your 40th birthday and wonder where your life has gone. Thus, it is important to get out and talk to people.

    Of course balance is essential. You don’t want to be obsessed about finding the love of your life all the time lol Do what you have to do in life, but keep yourself open to opportunity. Another question is when you should start to be more active on that front. I know many people who broke up due to heavy study load in college…

    Another way I can interpret the statement “I want… rather someone that I need.” is that these are some of the things you might want, but don’t really need them because you already have a waifu :P I still think that the warmth of a human touch is more dear than an object. In the words of Freud, “Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts.” Thus, it might be satisfying to have a stable unconditional love of an object or a pet, but real love hurts. Real love will have ups and downs, will be unpredictable, and even tragic in some cases. Love will make you experience many positive and negative emotions, but that is what makes us human. In the end it is all about a choice. If you don’t have a human being who is close to you, s/he will never leave you, s/he will never die…

  2. I’ve considered the question myself. And like many a cowardly soul, I may end up never setting down an answer.

    My image of the ideal woman is quite well defined, and far too ideal to be realistic. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not all that interested in love – of the romantic kind, at least – at this point in my life.

    “Then again, I have to question myself in exactly what I want because I feel that love is one of those pure things… It should not be tainted with anything meaningless or superficial.”

    Well said. And rest assured, I don’t believe you’re overthinking the point. My view is that many people of our generation tend to UNDERthink when it comes to love. In this case, questioning one’s motives can actually be a good sign, since it shows that one is trying to take things seriously.

    Okay, now it looks like I’m the one who’s starting to overthink things. Must dose up on Lucky Star . . . (^_^)

    On a lighter note, I applaud your use of “ef” imagery to illustrate this post. Very appropriate, and very timely (I just finished marathonning the series a couple of hours ago).

  3. Don’t feel bad regarding the lack of posts, we’re busy and that’s good because we’re busy with real life. XD Just take good care of yourself and stay healthy ya!

    I feel that love can be a simple yet complicated thing. Love can be simple, without any hidden agendas but it can be complicated because relationship itself can be hard to grasp.

    I’ve thought about this topic many a times and asked what I look for in a partner. I came up with many requirements (physical and character) but it seems like I always fall for others other than my “ideal lover”, such is life don’t you think so?

  4. Thanks for all the support! :)

    I guess I’ll let my studies take over my thoughts for now. Love is complicated itself. Added onto an Operating Systems project due by the end of the week which I have no clue how to start/execute (yet), probably best for my mental and academic health to hit the textbooks.

    But before I part ways, I decided to maintain my neutral/apathetic status in romance. I’m not really the one to initiate the relationships anyways -.-

  5. As my friends would say, Life sucks and then you die.

    Happy Cabaling.

    PS: Please don’t overdose on anything.

  6. Being an onani master isn’t so bad. Seriously, read it and then post about it, because right now, you’re not posting about anything I’m reading/watching.

  7. Didn’t Shin post something about this? -.-;

    More posts will be coming… as soon as the midterms and projects let up.

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